


gave you my heart (and i haven't seen you since)

by jumpforjo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Katsuki Yuuri, bigbangonice2018, extreme midwestern vibes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 15:01:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13860198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumpforjo/pseuds/jumpforjo
Summary: Viktor really shouldn’t be surprised that after seven years, things are different, but he supposes it always has been Yuuri’s thing to surprise him. After all, everytime you go somewhere you leave somewhere behind.Or, how Yuuri’s life becomes a romantic comedy in just one week.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's so incredible to finally be posting this monster of a fic! the last bit of it is just in the final stages of editing and should be up within the week!
> 
> i'd like to give a HUGE thank you to Ren for beta'ing and letting me yell about this fic, and really shout outs to anyone that had to listen to me talk their ear off about this.
> 
> Also, shout out to my awesome and amazing artists for making pieces to accompany this! check them out!!:  
> Aaron's illustration: [[tumblr](http://anaisarts.tumblr.com/post/171463893318/yuuri-barely-registered-his-passenger-door)] [[twitter](https://twitter.com/anaisaart/status/969719235881598981)]  
> Bracari's illustration: [link pending!]

**Viktor**

_Hey, Yuuri!! Long time no talk, huh? I’m going to be in town for a week on Sunday, and I was thinking we could catch up? I miss you!_

 

Yuuri nearly dropped the phone on his face when he read the notification. He'd been away from it the whole day, the inn was busier than usual with orientation happening at the local university. Squinting, he reread the message. That was definitely Viktor Nikiforov asking to hang out since he'd be in town for the week.  
They hadn't spoken in- what? Seven years? Sure, he'd steadily followed his career (a bit jealously) over that time, but he couldn't decide why Viktor would want to see _him._ Viktor had stopped liking anything he posted on facebook years ago, so as far as Yuuri was concerned Viktor didn’t even remember he existed let alone possessed any desire to _see_ him. Of course, evidence to the contrary was right there in front of him. Theoretically. Was it because Yuuri was the only one that hadn’t left town?

Sighing, he read the message over again. Viktor even said his name at the beginning, so it wasn’t like Viktor had _meant_ to message someone else. Wouldn’t that have been poetic irony? Unless there was some other Yuuri that had cropped up in Viktor’s life, he’d certainly meant _this_ Yuuri.  
At least he'd probably pay for dinner if they went out... Glancing over his schedule, he was glad to find he had that Sunday and Monday off- the benefits of his parents hiring some highschool kid over the summer to help out. Minami? He was sweet enough and for some reason, absolutely idolized Yuuri. Well, if he had time off, he may as well. There was still a chance Viktor wouldn’t honor the plans- that he’d cancel for a better opportunity or simply not show. What was the worst that could happen. As long as Yuuri went in with no expectations, he couldn’t be disappointed, right?  
  
**Yuuri**

_That sounds great! I'm actually free Sunday and Monday! I can let you know my work schedule for the rest of the week if those days don't work_

 

The message went to _seen_ immediately and Viktor was already typing back a reply. Groaning, Yuuri tossed his phone to the side and decided  to go take a shower to give himself some distance. The last thing he wanted was to seem _available_ or _desperate_ after years of radio silence from his ex best friend. On second thought, though, he diverted to Mari’s room, plopping on her bed unceremoniously. She didn’t even bother to look up from her phone, idly scrolling some social media or another after a long day.

“Guess what?” Yuuri finally prompted after she didn’t acknowledge his presence for a solid two minutes.

“I don’t like guessing.” Mari always was a charmer.

“Someone messaged me to hang out.” Yuuri replied vaguely, voice dripping with _hints_ but Mari didn’t seem to take the bait. She never did. It was still fun to try.  

“It’s not a big surprise, Yuuri. I’ve told you you’re likable and people want to see you, every time someone wants to be your friend you don’t have to act like it’s a big event-” Unceremoniously, he cut off the lecture he knew all too well by simply smacking his palm over her mouth. It was much gentler than she would’ve done it.

“Not just _anyone_ , Mari. Viktor. Viktor Nikiforov? Basically lived at our house in elementary school? Helped you beat up that one kid that made fun of me in middle school.” His words seemed to finally grab his sister’s attention- she dropped her phone into her lap, eyes going wide as her gaze snapped to Yuuri. Pushing Yuuri’s hand away from her mouth, she sat up.

“No way! Is he coming back or something?” Yuuri nodded enthusiastically, watching as his sister’s jaw dropped. “His parents are gonna be over the moon. That’s crazy. Are you gonna see him?” The critical look she gave him was one he was familiar with- the one that left space for Yuuri to talk about what was _really_ on his mind.

“I guess so… I don’t really see a reason not to.” He huffed, scooting to lay his head on her stomach. “It’s just funny, I guess. I just figured he’d forgotten about me.” Mari pet his hair lightly, humming in understanding as he spoke.

“You don’t have to, you know. Just because he asked doesn’t mean you need to.” Her voice was carefully balanced. Through his whole life, she’d only ever had his best interests at heart- had been his backbone when he was terrified to have his own. Sure, he was an adult now, or something like one at 21 years old, but her protective instincts would likely never fade. “Yuuri, you don’t owe him anything. I’m not going to stop you if you want to see him, but be careful, okay?” He was tempted to call her overdramatic, to tell her she was worrying too much, but long abandoned pain was already churning in his stomach and, well, Mari was probably right.

“Yeah, yeah,” His voice was a soft mumble, and they stayed in silence a few more minutes before Mari’s phone rang- her girlfriend was calling, Yuuri, get out.

Bumbling over to the shower, he took his sweet time returning to his phone. When he did there were a few alarmed texts from Phichit, a few game notifications and, of course, two messages from Viktor.

**_Viktor_ **

_We could do dinner Sunday night! We can work out the details when I get there!_

_I’m so excited to see you again~_

**Yuuri**

_Sunday night sounds good! I’m excited to see you again too._

 

Viktor replied with a slew of emojis, and Yuuri simply shut his phone and set about getting ready for bed

  


The next few days passed in a blur, Viktor speaking to him more than he had in 7 years put together, showing pictures of his dog, texting about mundane details of his day, things he messed about Lawrence that “only Yuuri” would understand. It was… off-putting. Viktor was talking to him as if they’d lost nothing to time, and on some level it was comforting for Yuuri, knowing he could reconnect and have Viktor back to some degree was exciting. On the other hand, though, it created a slow boiling rage- that Viktor picked up like he hadn’t moved and dropped Yuuri without a second thought.

Yuuri considered himself a fairly trusting person- but after everything, well… He simply had to wonder if Viktor had ulterior motives. It was too perfect that out of nowhere Viktor was chattering to him like they were 15 again. Briefly, he wondered if he was looking for a hook-up in town, and then Yuuri had to wonder if he’d actually say _no_ to that.

He shook the thought, alarmed that he’d even entertained it.

Viktor had arrived that morning and was spending most of the day with his parents, but Yuuri was set to pick him up in an hour or so. He debated whether or not he needed to look nice. If he dressed up too much he might give the wrong impression or make Viktor think it was just for him- but if he didn’t dress up enough he’d look like a slob.

Really? There was no winning. Sighing, he texted Phichit for advice- his best friend was in Thailand for the summer but he was still somehow  available at any and all times of day. After a few back and forths, Yuuri slipped on the jeans that Phichit always cooed over, he paired them with a black v-neck. Black was slimming, right? The impending feeling of _not being enough_ was beginning to crash down on him, and had it not been for his mother needling him, he likely would've made up an excuse not to go.

Taking a deep breath, he realized how tight his chest felt. He was going to be seeing Viktor after seven years, and he wasn’t ready. Since they'd last seen each other, nothing remarkable had happened for Yuuri- he hadn't even taken any trips. Once, he almost went to Thailand for a week with Phichit but then his sister got sick and his parents needed extra help around the inn. His hair badly needed a trim, and he even had the exact same frames for his glasses but with a somewhat stronger prescription. There was no way he could be ready- every ounce of hurt and insecurity he thought he was past washed back over him. Viktor thought he could leave without a word, ignore Yuuri’s messages for _years_ and then drop back in like he never left. It had anger and pain simmering just below his skin, competing with the gnawing feeling of lack of closure- that he could finally have it.

Whatever, it didn’t matter now, and if he didn’t leave soon he’d be late and that wouldn’t help anyone. Viktor was always punctual- at least that’s what every magazine and interview mentioned. It always baffled Yuuri that that could be a defining trait- that someone could look at Viktor and the first thing that came to mind was, “Wow! He’s punctual!”

The thoughts followed him into the car where he spent a solid five minutes straight picking music. What was the right music? What if Viktor hated it? What if he loved it? The restaurant was only a few minutes drive from Viktor’s, all things considered he’d barely have the time to hear a song- and if the chattering over text all day was anything to go by, Viktor was hardly going to notice the background noise over running his mouth.

For all his rising malice, though, Yuuri was at least placated by the onslaught of pictures of Makkachin since Viktor had arrived. He was always a sucker for dog pictures.

It took another two minutes to psych himself up enough to start the drive towards Viktor’s, shooting him a quick “omw!” text and receiving no less than twenty party popper emojis and three pictures of Makkachin. It was… endearing.

There was a weird sense of nostalgia pulling up in front of Viktor’s childhood home- Viktor had left just before Yuuri got his license so he’d never driven here himself but he could still vividly remember peering out the window as his parents or Mari came to drop him off or gather up his best friend. His heart clenched in his chest as he spotted Viktor sitting on the front steps with Makkachin.

 _Oh_.

In Yuuri’s memory, Viktor was slight with long, flowing hair, Makkachin nearly as big as he was. If Viktor had been pretty when he left on some whim and a modeling contract, he was ethereal now. Yuuri wasn't sure what to do with that. Glancing in the mirror, Yuuri sighed. He'd put on a bit of weight after highschool, but at least he had the benefit of getting top surgery about a year prior. Little victories, right?

Now, though, Viktor was practically six feet tall with broad shoulders and hair cropped handsomely short, falling just in front of his eyes as he waved at Yuuri, a wide smile spreading across his lips. Maybe Yuuri should leave. Just drive back home and never do anything like this again. That sounded much, much better than dealing with what was at hand. His chest tightened further as he noticed Viktor’s parents behind him as well, they’d come to the inn for dinner several times throughout the year, still close with Yuuri’s own parents, but something about seeing them felt even more overwhelming.

He couldn’t do it, everything was too much and-

Yuuri barely registered his passenger door opening before there was a dog in his lap and a tongue on his face. From Viktor’s perspective, it probably looked like his dog and a flailing pile of limbs. So much for making a good impression.

From the passenger’s side, Yuuri heard the chime of Viktor’s laughter- it was deeper in person, and sounded more real than it had in the interviews Yuuri had watched over the years, and it was certainly deeper than when they were fifteen. Soon, Makkachin was scooped off his lap and trotting back to the house at the promise of treats.

“Sorry- I forgot how rambunctious he is when he knows people! He just jumped right in your car- I thought you’d want to say hi!” Yuuri was still frozen as he tried to process while Viktor plopped down in the passenger’s side, moving the seat back to accommodate his long legs and shutting the door. “How’s Vicchan?” Viktor asked brightly.

“Dead.” Yuuri replied ungracefully, barely caught up to what was happening. Viktor’s smile faltered but it was plastered into a look of concern alarmingly fast.

“Oh- I’m so sorry to hear that! He was such a good dog-”

“It was three years ago. So.” The bitterness was clear in his tone- more evident than he’d wanted it to be. “I posted something about it on facebook.” Thank you, mouth, he thought. This was going _great_. Truly wonderfully. Awesome.

“I must have missed it.” That was his interview voice. Good going, Yuuri.

“It’s okay! I’m fine now. Um, your parents let me come see Makkachin a lot and walk him.” The Nikiforovs had continued to be unendingly kind over the years, keeping Yuuri posted on how Viktor was doing, always following it with, ‘Well, you probably know that already,’ when he didn’t, but he certainly wasn’t going to tell them that their ass of a son hadn’t made contact in years.

“Makkachin can fix anything.” Viktor agreed, the tense line of his shoulders softening a bit. “I’m excited for dinner- my personal trainer said I can eat whatever I want this week as long as I don’t drop the ball on my workouts! Free State has the _best_ carbs.” Right. He was a model with model standards and probably had a six pack hiding under his shirt. That was fine. Yuuri was fine.

“I haven’t been in awhile, it should be good.” He mumbled. A half assed reply but at least he replied. “I’m sure your parents are excited to have you back for a week- they always talking about wishing you would visit.” Ah, yes, rub it in that you haven’t left and that you still talk to his parents. Not sad at all, Katsuki.

"I'm not surprised they've talked about me. They mention you a lot, too. It's nice, I like hearing about what you're doing.” Yuuri held in a bitter laugh at that. It must be so nice for Viktor to hear about what he was up to without ever making the effort to ask himself. Still, he was surprised that he was apparently a topic of conversation.

"They mention me?" Yuuri asked. His eyebrows shot up, caught off guard. Sure, Viktor's parents often said they told Viktor to message him, but, well. He'd never taken it seriously. God, that was so _embarrassing._ He must look pathetic to Viktor.

“Of course they do! You’re practically their other son!” Viktor replied without hesitation. It made Yuuri only mildly sick to his stomach to think about. “So- what do you normally do on your days off? I bet you like to get out of the house since you work there.”

"You're right- it's the only downside to living where I work. Staying home on my off days isn't too appealing- I normally head over to Phichit's apartment. He's busy today anyway, though, some out of town thing. Ironically, he won't be back until next week." Yuuri laughed nervously. Now it sounded like he had one friend. Well, that wasn't far off but Viktor didn't need to _know_ that. Not to mention, he made a face at the mention of Phichit. Trying to salvage things, Yuuri tried to turn the conversation on Viktor. He was infinitely more interesting anyway. "So- uh. How's life been on the coast? You seem like you have lots of adventures!" Now it sounded like he stalked him on facebook. It's just that Viktor was his only facebook friend that posted anything remotely worth paying attention to. Awesome. Yuuri clamped his mouth shit, chewing at his lower lip, hoping Viktor would save him with his superior social graces.

“I would’ve loved to meet him. He sounds important to you.” It almost, almost sounded like jealousy. Yuuri couldn’t for the life of him imagine _why_. Did Viktor feel replaced? Did he expect Yuuri to what? Not move on? Just keep messaging into the void of Viktor’s inbox? The implication had his anger bubbling again, just below the surface. “I’m not sure if I’d describe New York City as the coast, but it’s nice enough. I’ve barely had time to explore the city, it’s kind of sad. Most of my adventures seem to be work related. I finally moved out of my aunt’s place and in with my friend Chris, though, and that’s been nice.” Sure, Yuuri was aware that glamorous lives from the outside were typically different from the inside, but certain Viktor had had something interesting happen to him in his seven years of absence.

As he spoke, though, Viktor reached over to pat a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder before leaving it there. His shoulder tingled where Viktor's hand was, and he stiffened up just a bit. Sure, they'd been fairly affectionate before, as any young best friends were, but it felt... strange. Yuuri had always been odd about physical contact, but something felt different. It felt... removed. Nostalgic and too much and incredibly comforting all at the same time. Gaining a sudden bolstering of confidence, Yuuri decided if Viktor could fall right back into how they were before, so could he. Plastering on a smile, he grinned over at Viktor at the next red light.  
“Maybe after dinner we could walk a few blocks and get ice cream? If you wanted. I’m sure you need some after all the stress of traveling.” Viktor was only going to be back for a week at most, and it’s not like he’d talk to Yuuri once he left. He may as well make the most of the visit, push down his unpleasant feelings and enjoy what time he was given. “And if you wanted- tomorrow morning- if you don’t have other plans, they built a dog park not too long ago. We could take Makkachin? If you wanted. There are usually more dogs there in the morning." He didn't know why he was bothering to make _more_ plans before they even made it through lunch. He still had plenty of opportunities to say something horribly awkward and make everything bad.

As Yuuri suggested plans, though, Viktor’s smile only grew. "Sounds like a good plan. It'll be nice... I've needed a break for awhile. Being in such a busy place can get a little tedious. Here it's nice... Calm. And slower paced. Speaking of- I’d love to come to the inn for a bath before I leave. Do you think that could work?”

“That sounds great! My parents would love to see you too... It may be better to go later in the week- the inn is pretty packed through Tuesday." And now it sounded like he was trying to get Viktor naked and alone. What was _wrong_ with Yuuri? Had he _always_ been this bad at socializing?

Viktor’s hand squeezed where it was on his shoulder, sliding down over his back a bit. “That sounds wonderful, Yuuri.” He felt hyper aware of everywhere his fingers brushed along his back, almost as if they were leaving lasting marks. At least Viktor wasn’t weirded out.

Their light banter carried them all the way into the restaurant, Yuuri’s nerves at least slightly settled. As they were seated, Viktor glanced around with wide eyes, taking in the sight after so many years. "We'll start with beer, right? Yeah! Two of whatever you like best on tap?" He hadn't even looked on the menu. All Yuuri knew was that he was ready to loosen up a little too.

"Beer sounds good... Um, I really like the barleywine ale. If that sounds good to you?" Thank God. Maybe he'd stop making such a fool of himself.

"So how have your parents been? You're still working at their inn, right? I bet that's nice."

Yuuri opened the menu as a welcome distraction. "Um, they're good! It's pretty nice- we meet lots of interesting people... It's probably not very interesting compared to what you do. " Nothing too interesting happened... ever. Really. "Um, if you wanted an appetizer, their artichoke dip is pretty good?" He suggested, drawing attention away from himself.

When their beer arrived Viktor put in an order for the artichoke dip, as well. They still needed a few minutes to order. He still hadn't even glanced at the menu. "I guess. I mean you could do something else? Take a break for awhile." He smiled, soon taking a sip of his beer. "You should visit New York if you ever get the chance. I could let you stay with me, or something."

"Do something else? Yeah I'll just apply at a local restaurant. Real change of pace." Yuuri scoffed, taking a sip of his beer. Not everyone got such dazzling opportunities, and Yuuri's lack of degree certainly wasn't helping anything.  
At Viktor's suggestion, his brow furrowed. It seemed a bit premature to invite Yuuri to travel across the country to stay with him. He was probably just being polite.  
"Yeah, I'll let you know the next time I have more than two days off in a row and the funds to fly to New York." He shrugged. The idea was far fetched, but he did appreciate the sentiment. "What's it like up there, anyway? I'm sure it's super different." He diverted the conversation away from himself once again. It seemed he was a bit more bitter than originally anticipated that Viktor had left with such ease.

"I mean - not that it really matters - but you wouldn't have to pay for it? I understand how it is. It could be fun. I'm sure if you really wanted your parents would just let you have the time off. You work a lot! Probably too much.." He laughed then, the sound strained and awkward. The look on Yuuri's face made it clear that that _wasn't_ what he had wanted to hear. Taking a long sip of beer Viktor diverted his glance to look over the menu.

"I don't need you to pay for me to have a vacation." Yuuri bit out, not wanting to take charity from Viktor after 7 years. The sting from him leaving was, surprisingly, still there. Honestly, Yuuri thought he was over it, but he was lead in very quickly that he wasn't.  
"And I work a lot because I like to." He added. The comment hit unfortunately close to home- that he built his schedule around Phichit's classes since Phichit was his only friend and he lived where he worked. It was... monotonous. And over the years, he'd made peace with a monotonous life. Now that Viktor was bringing it into question, though, he wasn't so sure anymore, and it made him vastly uncomfortable- and it certainly wasn’t something he wanted to deal with over dinner.  
Awkward enough, Yuuri followed Viktor's lead, sipping at his drink and pretending to look at the menu despite knowing he'd order the same thing he ordered every time. It was a bit pathetic.

“What do you normally get? The artichoke tomato tortellini sounds good…”

“Oh! I usually stick to the shrimp fettuccine, I think that would be  good, though. I think that’s what Mari usually gets?” Viktor nodded before ordering for both of them and Yuuri took the opportunity to finish off his beer hurriedly, praying that the waiter would take the cue to bring him another.

"How is Mari~?" With their menus out of the way, Viktor propped his elbow on the table, chin now resting in his hand. "She used to babysit us all the time. I probably gave her a headache. I always liked hanging out with her though. She's was fun."  He took a sip of his beer, coy smile playing at his lips. “She used to let us watch scary movies too! You always said you liked them but then I felt bad because you’d get nightmares…” It was a light, teasing tone that surprisingly didn’t set Yuuri on the defensive.

Viktor pointing out his nightmares had a flush blooming over his cheeks. In all honesty they _still_ had that effect on him. "Yeah, well, they were scary! And we were little! And you only didn't get nightmares because you _slept_ through them!" Yuuri protested, eyebrows furrowing. Diverting his gaze, he took a few gulps of his drink. “But, she's good. She has some girlfriend like two hours away that she visits a lot? But when her girlfriend gets time off she stays with us a few days. She seems nice? But Mari is happy."  It was incredible how Viktor managed to be so... graceful when Yuuri was so awkward. He was probably just trying to make dinner as bearable as possible until he could reasonably split off from Yuuri.

"Oh! That's nice that she's found someone. I mean - I also remember her filling us in on all the nasty details of her breakups. I was afraid to date anyone for awhile because of that..." Pursing his lips he took another drink.

Reminiscing with Viktor was strange. He'd convinced himself for years that Viktor didn't remember a thing about him, but to have him referencing so many little details... Somehow, it stung even more. Leave it to Viktor to up and move on a whim, stop speaking with Yuuri, then return as if nothing had changed. To know that Viktor _did_ remember meant he stopped speaking with full awareness of their wealth of memories. It was easier to believe he'd simply left them in the dust.  
  
Of course, it's not like Viktor knew any of that, but the storm brewed inside Yuuri's head regardless.  
  
"Me too, she was always so broken up after someone left her... It was weird, I guess, to see someone with such a strong personality so fragile. She's had a few nasty ones since you left, too, but things seem to be going a lot better with this one... Mom keeps asking when they're going to be married." The jab was subtle, Viktor likely wouldn't even catch it. He popped another piece of bread in his mouth, chewing slowly and thoughtfully. "What made you decide to come back for a visit?"

"I don't know. I had time off and I didn't want to have my family visit again... Sometimes it's nice to be back." His voice was clipped- so he had caught Yuuri’s jab, presumably. "I mean -- despite what you might think -- I miss it here. It's not perfect, but neither is New York… And... I'm really glad you agreed to see me. I didn't really think about it, but... I think I was hoping it would happen."

"I'm... glad, too. I didn't expect the message but. Um, I missed you." Yuuri conceded softly, trying to lower his walls again, to back down from the stabbing, accusatory thoughts. "Do you want to walk around for a bit after this? There are a few new shops downtown you might like... Have your parents shown you Wonder Fair yet?"

“I really missed you too. Since I only got here today my parents haven't really had the chance to take me anywhere. They were called in almost as soon as they got back from the airport. So you have me all day! If you want, of course.” Viktor fixed him with a brilliant smile that had Yuuri’s heart jumping into his throat along with relief washing over him. It was breathtaking, honestly. He'd only gotten more handsome since leaving, and he'd been something gorgeous even before. Old feelings that hadn't resurfaced in years fluttered up in his chest.  
"Walking around sounds nice..." Yuuri smiled, digging into his food happily, glad the tension had eased out of their conversation. He hummed, eyes slipping shut as he savored his bit. He hadn't been to Free State in some time, and the food was as delicious as he remembered it. It was surprisingly easy to quell his anxiety around Viktor. They'd been friends for years, and things still weren't perfect, but it wouldn't gain anything to be mad at him for the short time he _was_ home. Yuuri was determined to make the best of it- to push away the hurt and take what he could.  
No doubt, after Viktor left, he'd feel empty again, and Viktor would be back off to his glamorous life and Yuuri would stay in the town, working for his parents. But for this week, he could at least enjoy having one of his best friends back.  
Glancing across the table, Viktor was staring at him with his fork halfway to his mouth, lips slightly agape. There was a beat of silence before Yuuri’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Sorry! I should check that-” He fished the phone out, heart rate still a bit risen.

**_Phichit_ **

_are you out with your friend??? i want a selfie!! i miss your face yuuuuuuuuri!_

  
**Yuuri**

_i'm not asking him for a selfie haha, i'll text you later after i drop him off, okay?_

**Phichit**

_no fun ): you have to send me one before the week is over!_

 

Shaking his head, he tucked his phone away again. Viktor had the same odd look he’d had when Yuuri mentioned Phichit earlier, but in the interest of self preservation, he decided not to think too hard about it.

“I think I’ll need a box- you too? And then we could go get ice cream like you suggested.” Viktor glossed over the situation smoothly, waving down the waiter and taking care of the check while Yuuri boxed up their food. “Let’s take boxes to the car first? Then we don’t have to carry them while we walk.” Yuuri nodded in agreement as they made their way down, chatting idly.

After placing their boxes in the car Viktor stepped in beside Yuuri with ease, walking close enough to brush shoulders intermittently as they made their way. “It’s really nice out today.” Yuuri commented lightly as they walked. The bump of their shoulders had something warm and familiar rising in Yuuri's chest. They really did fit together with such ease- he'd nearly forgotten it.

"Yeah.  It's really nice out. I kinda miss the weather. I mean - when it's hot here it's almost too hot. And on the coast it's fairly cold. But we always had really incredible temperate weather in between. So what else have you been doing. Anything new happening? New hobbies?"

"Um, things kind of stay the same around here, you might've noticed." He laughed nervously. There _wasn't_ anything new or exciting in Yuuri's life, so what could he say? He knew how to clean the baths now? His mother had been helping him learn some more traditional Japanese recipes? "I really do mostly work and play video games... I've been playing a lot of Overwatch, although I usually wait until Phichit is out of class and we play together." He shrugged, trying to think of a graceful way to turn the conversation on Viktor- surely he had much more interesting stories and developments. What did Yuuri have to talk about? That he'd binged all of Sailor Moon _again?_

“Oh… I heard they remodeled the library? My mom said she really likes it.” Yuuri was blessed by the change of topic.

"They did! It's really nice now! We could go in if you want... If you'd come up a week earlier they had that giant book sale again!" They'd gone every year when they were younger, Yuuri scouting out books in Japanese among college students with tacky anime shirts, and both finding weird gems among the collection. After, they'd go home and pile the books on the floor and look at their findings together. It would've been nice to do it again- Phichit had been busy during the sale and Yuuri had gone with Mari, only finding one or two shitty romance novels for her and some art book for Yuuri.

"Aw... I missed it? That's unfortunate. I don't have many books in my apartment. The ones I had are all back at home! But I'd love to see it at some point this week. I also think I still have some books that I never returned..."  Viktor's brows knitted at the middle for a moment; giving him a worried, almost perplexed look. But it faded as soon as they entered the ice cream shop.

"I can pay for this, if you want, since you got lunch." Yuuri offered with a shy smile. Ice cream certainly wouldn’t be out of his budget and he had no interest in just using Viktor for his money.

"You don't have to ~ I really appreciate the offer! And... It would probably be rude of me to say _no._ " He smiled again, giving Yuuri's shoulder another gentle bump as they placed their order. To Yuuri’s surprise, Viktor recited an identical order to what he’d always get when they were younger without hesitation. Of course, Yuuri had the same thing from his youth as well, but that was simply fitting the trend of his day.

Once they’d secured their ice cream and Yuuri paid, they wandered back out to enjoy the weather and walk around a bit more.

They wandered in the direction of the park, though their pace was slow, simply enjoying each other's company. "I wish I had more time to just.. play games. Though I honestly would prefer to just watch you. That was always more fun for me. I was really bad at games..." Viktor hummed.

"Yeah, you're probably super busy all the time, huh? Well, if you have any down time this week and have nothing better to do, you're free to watch me play some games." That was lame. That was _super_ lame. Viktor lived in New York, he was a model that went to glitzy parties and had adventures and hadn't been home in seven years, and Yuuri had implied that he'd just want to sit on Yuuri's bed and watch him play Skyrim or something.  
  
Hopefully, Viktor would pass it off with the same grace he had everything else stupid Yuuri had said so far.

Unfortunately, as was the tone of Yuuri’s day, Viktor did not, in fact, pass it off. Viktor blinked at him slowly, almost in wonder, and it set Yuuri on edge until he finally spoke. “I would really like that actually, a lot. That sounds nice…” A slight furrow formed in his brow and before Yuuri knew it, Viktor swiped a thumb just over his chin. His breath caught in his throat at the intimacy of the motion from someone he still felt so distant from. Did he really feel distant? That wasn’t something he wanted to work through right now.

Seemingly sensing his discomfort, Viktor perked up, eyes coming back into focus. “Sorry- you had a little bit of ice cream there…” His cheeks burned red and Yuuri almost felt bad as his own cheeks tinged pink as well.

“Thank you...?” A soft, nervous laugh pushed past his lips. "Wednesday could work... I'll ask my parents for the afternoon off, I'm sure they won't mind. They needle me to take more time off as it is..."

He couldn't place a name to the feeling rising in his chest like a balloon threatening to burst. Viktor genuinely wanted to sit around and play games with Yuuri? It wasn't exciting- far from it- but wouldn't it be just like before? Yuuri's mother would likely bring them snacks so they wouldn't have to leave the inevitable pillow fort they always made. Would they make one again? Sit a bit too close wrapped up in blankets and comfy clothes? He decided not to give it any more thought- he was already pink up to his ears.

“Great! It’s a date!” Viktor’s voice was too casual for comfort. Did he _mean_ date? Was it just his chosen turn of phrase? All things considered, Yuuri was not a fan of the storm of feelings brewing in the pit of his stomach,

“Yeah… it is.” Yuuri fixed him with a shy smile before leading the way to explore downtown for another hour or so before he needed to bring Viktor home.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always appreciate! please come yell with me on [ [tumblr](http://jumpforjo.tumblr.com/) ] and [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/jumpforjo) ] (both jumpforjo if you have trouble with the links!) it's been a wild ride, to say the least!


	2. Chapter 2

Returning home, Yuuri immediately collapsed in his bed, craving some alone time to avoid the inevitable questioning from his parents and sister. Trying to get his mind off things, he texted back and forth with Phichit while he played a few rounds of Overwatch.    
  


**Yuuri**   
so remember how you helped me figure out that I totally had a crush on that guy before he left

**Phichit**   
Yuuri..........

**Yuuri**   
well…

**Phichit**   
Yuuuuuuuuuuri ):

 

**Yuuri**  
i was hoping he'd be a jerk but uh. that didn't work out

  
**Phichit**

[attachment: 16 hamster pictures]

As was expected of him, Yuuri saved all sixteen images and filed them away into his pet pictures folder. The idea that within an hour or two he was feeling his long gone crush boiling up had him alarmed. Viktor was going to  _ leave _ again, this was only temporary. He’d miss having someone around who knew him so deeply and so well- despite years of absence Viktor still knew him at the core- still knew exactly how to interact with him, And it was the same the other way from what he could tell. There was a reason they’d been best friends for nearly 12 years. 

Sighing, he sank further into the blanket cocoon of his bed as his match wrapped up. Next to him, his phone buzzed and he assumed it was Phichit again.

**???**

Hey! My parents got back early. And.. You have like 10 minutes to respond to this or I'll be stuck going to a movie that I don't want to see when we  _ could _ be soaking in the bath.

He wrinkled his nose at the screen- had Phichit come back early?

**Yuuri**

wait, i thought you were out of town????

Rereading the message a few times, he had the good sense to look at the contact and realize that no, it wasn’t Phichit. 

**Yuuri**

oh my god sorry i was texting Phichit i didn't realize you weren't him lol   
bath sounds great, I can leave to get you in like five minutes? Downtown or your parents place?

The response was almost immediate- Viktor was home with his parents. Yuuri decided to throw on more acceptable sweatpants and another black V neck, collecting his keys, and asking his mom to prep one of the baths on his way out to get Viktor.

When he got there, Viktor was waiting outside again, immediately slipping into the passenger seat. “You have no idea how much I needed this- there was no way I’d survive the wait for another night.” He sighed dramatically as Yuuri pulled away.

“We wouldn’t want you to expire on us!” Yuuri replied, laughing softly. “Plus you probably feel gross after traveling- I know planes always make me feel gross, at least. We visited some family in Japan like five years ago and I felt so gross by the time we got there! Luckily, they had an  _ actual _ Onsen. Although I had to bathe with the girls... The trip was mostly good."   
  
Hopefully, Viktor hadn't changed the way he was at ease with Yuuri's identity. He'd always been Yuuri's most understanding friend- never questioning and always lending a sympathetic ear.    
They chatted easily on the ride back and his parents greeted Viktor enthusiastically. Hiroko even gathered him up in a hug. Once they were through greetings, they made their way back to one of the private bath rooms, undressing quickly and gathering up towels.

As soon as Viktor turned around, his eyes went wide. "Oh! You got the surgery ~ That's amazing! " Viktor chimed. Yuuri peered down at the slightly raised pink scars on his chest. 

He wasn't prepared for the way that Viktor's eyes raked over his body. He felt suddenly self conscious about the soft pudge of his stomach and the way the towel laid over the swell of his thighs and backside. Viktor himself apparently had no shame, standing there stark naked, built like a god, with the towel simply draped around his neck.  
It was quite likely that Yuuri had never blushed as much as he was in that moment.   
"Oh! Yeah. Um, like two years ago? So the scarring is still pretty bad... I posted about it on facebook..." He was bad at pushing down the resentment of being nearly ignored for so long. It was unlikely that Viktor even saw Yuuri's posts cross his feed with his friend count, but it still had Yuuri's lower lip jutting out in a pout. 

“I’m so happy for you- it looks awesome,” Yuuri didn’t know exactly what that meant, but questioning it went out the window as Viktor turned away to climb in the bath. He barely registered Viktor’s pleased hum about how wonderful the bath felt with his eyes glued to the perfect swell of his ass. Was that even humanly possible? 

Shaking himself, Yuuri dropped his towel and clambered into the bath next to Viktor. His impulse was to escape to the opposite side, but the sparkle in Viktor's eyes and flirtatious curve to his smile had Yuuri keeping his place directly to his side.    
  
"U-um- I don't know if you just wanted to soak, but we got some new soaps and shampoos that are really nice? And a face scrub thing? And some oils if you want something scented?" He was stumbling through his words, still embarrassed. They were stark naked, and Viktor kept  _ looking _ at him.

"Oh? Yeah? Those sound amazing. Though I'm pretty sure if you needed to use shampoo you'd have to get your head wet first. ~" Viktor’s words didn’t register soon enough for Yuuri to defend himself. In a matter of seconds he was dunked under the water to the hearty sound of Viktor’s laugh. Viktor seemed to think it was entertaining enough, so he splashed him right in the face before returning the favor.   
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as Viktor re-emerged. "That was playing dirty!" He exclaimed, propping himself over the side of the basin to reach for the various soap bottles. "Well, _I'm_ going to get clean, I don't know about you." He stuck his tongue out before squeezing some shampoo into his hands and beginning to work it into his newly wet hair.

Still laughing, Viktor shook his head enough to spray water across the room- not unlike his beloved dog. “Well, if you need help just let me know~” Yuuri was unsettled by how responsive he was to the teasing, flirtatious tone. Rather than take Viktor up on his request, Yuuri simply stuck his tongue out and continued with his task. 

“You know- I don’t know why places like this aren’t more popular. I’d kill to have one of these in New York! Everywhere is so fast paced, you know, they could use somewhere like this to relax. You can’t rush a good soak.” Viktor mused, eyes still glued to Yuuri. 

"Well, most people are generally freaked out by big communal baths- someone told me that it sounded like a dorm once." Yuuri shrugged, having grown up around the communal setting, it had never seemed odd to him. Hell, even nights he spent over at Viktor's, if he ever tried to take a bath he just came out dissatisfied.   
Every rational part of his brain was telling Yuuri to move over to the other side of the tub, but he was just a bit too content exactly where he was, watched by Viktor's curious eyes.   
"Maybe I could open up an inn like this in New York!" Yuuri joked, grinning. He'd considered the idea- branching out for a second location, no doubt his parents would support him. He knew what to do well enough, and would certainly enjoy the work. And somewhere busier, he'd be guaranteed to meet lots of interesting characters. The idea itself was daunting, though, and never something he’d given an level of serious consideration. 

"You'd do really well. People are different up there.. It's strange, really. They aren't friendly.. But they aren't rude, either. They are just incredibly private. I mean if your parents can have a business like this flourish in the midwest there is no doubt it'd do just as good on the coast." Yuuri watched as Viktor rinsed his hair and rose from the water gracefully, eyes wide. 

Yuuri was enraptured by the way the water cascaded of Viktor's undoubtedly soft hair. He hadn't expected his comment to be taken seriously, and flushed a bit at the prospect.   
  
"Yeah.... and there are more immigrants up there that would probably be missing something like this." He mused softly. It was an idea he'd entertained before, although he normally forced himself to think of Boston or LA, anywhere but New York. Now, though...   
He shouldn't let himself get attached all over again, but Viktor's presence had an absolutely intoxicating effect.   
"Maybe if I could get a loan and find real estate. It's unlikely." It was out of habit that Yuuri dismissed the idea, belittled it. He couldn't be disappointed with things not working out if he anticipated it.   
"It's not unlikely. If you want to do it you could.. You're pretty driven. When you put your mind to it. I think it's an incredibly good idea." As he spoke, however, Viktor saw fit to make a display of pushing his hair back, muscles rippling gently under taut, creamy skin. Yuuri's breath caught in his throat, the awe likely shone on his face, and with the way Viktor lifted a questioning brow, his fear was confirmed.   
"O-oh. It's nothing. You're just. It's nice to have you back. I'm not... quite used to it?" _You're really hot and I don't know how to deal with it, more like_. Yuuri worried at his lower lip, glancing up apologetically, but making no move to separate himself. Viktor was close now, his hands only mere inches away from Yuuri's legs on the bench. Glancing down at the water he slowly eased his hands a little farther forward, just until the brushed the side of Yuuri's thigh.  
"Yeah. I'm not really used to it, either. It feels... great, actually. And... It's been really nice seeing you - spending time with you... All of it."

Yuuri hadn't blushed as much as he was in that moment in... well, probably in his entire life if he was honest- the flush from Viktor's... advances? Only spurred on by the heat of the steaming water.    
  
It was nice that, at least briefly, Viktor seemed to be caught off guard as well. "Yeah... I'm really. Um, I'm really happy that you messaged me. I missed you a lot, I didn't even realize... Well, I mean, I  _ did _ ... you know what I mean. Having you around again is really good." A shiver ran up his spine as fingers brushed over his thighs.   
  
Shamelessly, Yuuri shifted in a bit closer. Was this really how he wanted to make a move? Stark naked in a bath in his parents' inn?   
  
Yeah, probably, actually.    
  
He found himself leaning in, just a bit, seeking to be  _ closer. _ "Your short hair looks really nice, by the way. I know, um, it's been awhile since you cut it, but it suits you." His words were soft, almost mumbled, and delivered with shining eyes, a bit of a stammer, and a shy but surprisingly confident smile. Viktor was flirting back- and  _ had _ been. This wasn't a fluke or a mistake.

Without missing a beat, Viktor’s hand moved over Yuuri’s knee as he leaned in closer, beginning to cant his chin. They were  _ oh _ , oh so close. 

“Thanks, I'm glad you like it~ Your hair has certainly grown out a bit since your last profile picture.." Viktor murmured, but then he hesitated, face going more serious for a moment. "You're sure about this? I mean... You've mentioned Phichit several times..." 

And everything shattered. "Wait- Phichit?" Yuuri asked, brows furrowing. Why would Viktor ask about Phichit-- 

He thought they were dating. He thought Phichit and Yuuri were _dating_ and he was under the impression that Yuuri was entirely content to cheat on him with Viktor. What a self obsessed _ass._   
  
He pulled back a bit, anger blooming on his face. "I'm not- what are you getting at?" He was trying to be good and not suspect the worst, but it was difficult.

"You're dating, aren't you? I mean - I'm not judging. It's really not my business."  His voice playfully lilted as his lips pulled into a wider smile. “I just want to do what would make you happy~”

With his suspicions confirmed, anger rose in him like bile. The hand moving up his thigh only felt dirty and grimy, and Yuuri didn't want to be  _ touched _ by Viktor.    
  
Instead he pasted on a sugary sweet smile, tipping in as well. "You want what will make me happy?" He asked, batting his eyelashes prettily. Then, whichever genes passed to Mari flared and without hesitation, Yuuri raised his hand and slapped Viktor across the face.   
  
"No. We're not dating. And if we were I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend with some vapid asshole that left me in the dirt seven years ago." His words but harshly, fueled by much more than Viktor's recent actions. His hair wasn't even rinsed, but he stood anyway, grabbing a robe to tug on so Viktor couldn't see his naked form. "What makes you think I'm that kind of person, Viktor?"

Viktor blinked up at him, still stunned and clearly surprised. A hand slowly raised to press to where his cheek was already going red from the impact. "N.. No? That's not even what I said? I wasn't about to push you to do something you didn't want to do, Yuuri,  I -- Wow you slapped me really hard."

Yuuri tied the belt of the robe around his waist messily, beginning to tear up in sheer embarrassment. "What did you say, then? Because what it sounded like was that you were okay with me kissing you even though you thought I had a boyfriend and that you thought I would  _ do _ that!" His voice felt thick in his throats and panic began to churn in his stomach.    
  
He was inching toward the door, arms crossed over his midsection as his nausea grew- he hadn't thrown up from anxiety in nearly two years, but it didn't seem so unlikely then.    
  
"I'm... I'm going to go to bed. I want to be alone." His final words were quiet and shaky, followed by Yuuri walking out and nearly knocking Mari over with the door.

The moment he was in his room, a sob racked through his chest, too many pent emotions coming back at once- too many he  _ thought _ he’d dealt with. With fumbling fingers, he dialed Phichit’s number, his faithful best friend picking up within a few rings. 

"Yuuri?" Phichit answered, voice laced with concern. Yuuri only called when he was _very_ upset or very excited- and, well. Upset was more common.  
"Remember how I thought he was an asshole and then thought I was wrong? Well. I wasn't." Yuuri flopped back on his bed, letting out a long, shaky breath. It was a good thing Phichit was _well versed_ in Yuuri enough to know exactly what he was talking about without prompting.   
"What happened?" His voice was patient, reserved, and calm. Yuuri took a deep breath to steady himself before launching into the story- mildly abridging how invested he himself had been. He still felt weak and stupid and vulnerable- upset with himself for falling into things so easily. After seven years, was he _really_ not over his feelings? Did they truly come rushing back so easily?

“Yuuri... that's not all you're upset about, is it?" Phichit asked quietly. In many ways, his best friend knew him better than he knew himself. 

"Of course it is!" Yuuri bit back defensively- too defensively.   
"I know you, you'd be mad, but not like that." Yuuri sighed, almost upset that Phichit could read him so well. "You're still mad about him leaving, aren't you? You should talk to him." Phichit was right, but Yuuri didn't want to see Viktor, let alone talk to him. Regardless, he conceded, promising he would before the week was over.

Once the line was dead and he was left alone with his thoughts, Yuuri, for the first time since he’d left,  _ properly _ shed tears over Viktor. Not a few because he was weepy about the situation, but chest wracking sobs into his pillow that wouldn’t seem to  _ stop _ . Years of bundled up and internalized issues spilled over as he prayed his family would leave him to himself for the night. It felt like it would never stop, memory after memory strung out of him, each pain accentuated by the fresh pain of Viktor a breath’s pass from his lips. 

All at once, it was over- his sobs receded, leaving him snotty and empty and everything a little bit too quiet. For a few minutes, he stared at his wall, vaguely registering he still needed to turn out his lights before he went to sleep. Things were more peaceful though, settled in a way he’d never felt. He was still angry- still upset- but he felt in control of it, or at least moreso. When he’d told Phichit he’d talk to Viktor he hadn’t been sure if he really would, but it felt possible now. 

With a final rub at his puffy, red rimmed eyes, Yuuri flipped his pillow to the dry side, rolled out of his cocoon of blankets, and properly got ready for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always appreciate! please come yell with me on [ [tumblr](http://jumpforjo.tumblr.com/) ] and [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/jumpforjo) ] (both jumpforjo if you have trouble with the links!) it's been a wild ride, to say the least!


	3. Chapter 3

Viktor Nikiforov fully and genuinely believed in that moment that he had made the worst mistake of his life - and that was impressive considering the sheer number of mistakes he’d made. 

There was stilted, uncomfortable silence in the bath as he sat there, letting everything sink in, his only company the residual sting in his cheek. Why did he  _ do _ that? Everything was perfect- after  _ years _ of pining and separation and wishing for better, he was going to have the chance to kiss Yuuri, and he’d gone and fucked it up. 

Of course, how was he to know? In New York, his boyfriends had, typically, all been  _ married _ before Viktor, promising over and over that they’d leave their wives or their husbands, that Viktor was giving them a new lease on life, and then inevitably, when things drew out too long, they’d dump him. 

And, like a fool, he’d expected something  _ similar _ from Yuuri. Yuuri wasn’t wrong, either- he’d never do something like that. The last comment was still trying to settle in the pit of his stomach.  _ I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend with some vapid asshole that left me in the dirt seven years ago. _ The words  _ hurt _ but they weren’t untrue by any measure. For all intents and purposes, Viktor had up and left without a word and hadn’t even had the decency to check in for seven years. What was he thinki-

His thoughts were cut off by a knock at the door followed by a familiar voice. 

“Oi. Viktor. I don’t know what happened but I can take you home when you’re out.” It had to be Mari. Mari who had likely just witnessed a blotchy and red upset Yuuri- Mari who used to beat the shit out of kids that made Yuuri look like that. If she did it to Viktor, he’d deserve it.

“Thank you. I’ll be out in a moment.” Sitting in the bath wasn’t going to help anything- Yuuri wasn’t coming back anytime soon. 

Mari was waiting as soon as he stepped into the main room, arms crossed and an eyebrow quirked. “You better clean that mess up before you go back to New York.” Viktor only nodded, still lost to his own thoughts and counting his lucky stars that Mari was choosing not to even point out the redness of his cheeks. 

The ride back was not too terribly quiet- Mari filling the silence with some jazz cassette tape that was likely older than her warbling out of the even older radio of the car. She didn’t seem to need to make conversation- either content letting Viktor stew in his own bad feelings or simply because she was quiet. Perhaps both. 

When he got home, God finally smiled down on him as he realized that  his parents weren’t back yet. The door closed behind him and he stood alone in the entryway silently for an untold amount of time when he registered the wetness on his cheeks. He- was he crying? He was fucking crying and Makkachin was whining at his feet. Finally moving, he crouched, burying his face in Makkachin’s brown curls as the tears fell faster.

How many times had he been cheated on? Heartbroken? Kicked to the curb? And never shed more than a few tears while drunk that night of before getting right over it.

Now, though, his heart clenched in his chest. Through the years, he’d never considered Yuuri someone he  _ could _ lose. Yuuri was his rock- the peaceful island his mind went to when he was too fucked up at a party surrounded by people that didn’t give a shit about him. Yuuri would care- Yuuri would bring him water between drinks so he wasn’t too hungover, he’d make sure Viktor made it into bed alright at the end of the night. Every time one of his shit boyfriends made him feel worthless, Viktor’s mind would remind him that  _ Yuuri _ wouldn’t treat him like this.

But now? Now Yuuri didn’t want to fucking  _ look _ at him and Viktor couldn’t even blame him. 

He felt like an idiot- who wants some asshole that walked out for seven years? What was he  _ thinking _ ? And he’d been so close- had seen the pink bloomed over Yuuri’s cheeks, the wide, shining doe eyes as he leaned in. 

And then they’d been replaced by glaring daggers and soon not looking at Viktor at all as he rushed out. It was a posture Viktor recognized well- the one Yuuri got when he was hurt and  _ surprised _ about it- caught off guard. He tried to shake the mental image, but it felt burned behind his eyelids. 

For a moment, he stared at his phone, considering apologizing over text. Yuuri would delete it if he hadn’t blocked Viktor’s number already- and he deserved an apology in person. 

Agonizing over it right now wouldn’t help anyone. Taking a deep, shuddering breath and wiping a sleeve over his cheeks to take care of the last of the wetness, he shambled to his room, stripped, and crawled into bed shortly followed by Makkachin. He pulled up his text conversation with Chris, cringing at their exchange from just earlier that evening. 

**Viktor**

On a scale of 1-10 how fucked up will i be if i have a one night stand with a boy i’ve had feelings for since i was was like 12

**Chris**

10

**Viktor**

10 seems a bit harsh. 

**Chris**

I know you have a masochistic streak, but this is extreme even for you.

Didn’t you say he has a boyfriend, anyway?

**Viktor**

Well, I mean. I’m kind of used to that?

**Chris**

20.

And then he’d stopped responding because he didn’t like the answers. One day, he’d learn to listen to his best friend, but that day evidently had yet to come. Either way, Chris would still hear him out.

**Viktor**

So. I fucked up. Really bad.

[attachment: picture of Viktor’s freshly red cheek]

**Chris**

Well. What did I tell you?

Oh, Vitya. 

**Viktor**

So he didn’t have a boyfriend

Actually, can I just call you?

**Chris**

Mm, give me a second. I’ll call you when I’m ready.

Barely a minute had passed when  _ Careless Whisper _ started blaring from Viktor’s phone. He wrapped himself up further in the covers before answering. “Hey, Chris.” His voice was raspy in a way he barely recognized. 

“What happened?” Chris’s voice was practically a sympathetic simper, layered with exasperation and pity. 

“I was about to kiss him, and then I felt bad because like, he’s not really a cheating type, and I didn’t want to be the one he associated with it. But I wanted to kiss him so badly, Chris, you should’ve seen him,” The dreamy flutter of his heart was pained, they’d just been  _ so, so _ close. “B-But, I went to double check with him to make sure it was okay-”

“And he didn’t have a boyfriend and slapped you because you basically implied that he was a cheater.” Chris sighed, heavy and deep- Viktor could practically picture the wrinkle in his brow, the fingers coming up to massage it away. 

“Well. Yes.” Viktor pursed his lips, pressing the feelings down, down, down. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it. God, he couldn’t get over how  _ stupid _ he was. “I don’t know what to do, Chris- I-” His voice broke again, more frustrated tears slipping out. “I’m not good at  _ keeping _ people, Chris.” 

“Well you’ve certainly kept me, haven’t you?” Chris’ voice was unexpectedly gentle. His best friend was a strong believer in tough love, the upset in Viktor’s voice must have been loud and clear if Chris wasn’t telling him to  _ suck it up _ . “And you’ve done it by being honest with me- you need to do the same with Yuuri. See things from his side, Vitya, you abandoned him! He’s had seven years of thinking you don’t give a shit- so tell him you  _ do _ \-  _ apologize _ to him.  _ Listen _ to him.”

“What if he doesn’t want to be listened to? What if I just make things worse?” Suffice it to say, Viktor wasn’t good at  _ failing _ things, and Yuuri was a special case. He couldn’t screw this up- it wasn’t an option.

“Then you tried your best. He’s a human being, Viktor, you can’t just make him feel what you want him to feel.” Viktor knew he could be dense, and audibly whined. “Don’t make that noise, Vitya. And don’t do anything tonight, you’ll just make things worse. Go back tomorrow when you’re more collected-  _ in person _ and figure out how you’re going to apologize.” 

He huffed, but Chris was right- if he tried to talk to Yuuri now he’d surely upset himself all over again- and he knew Yuuri well enough to know he’d be far from receptive until he’d slept things off. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll do that.” Another brief pause. “Thank you, Chris. I… really appreciate it.” 

“Anytime, Vitya. Now I’m going to go the fuck back to sleep, text me tomorrow if you need anything. Je t’aime, Vitya, bonne nuit.”

“Love you too, Chris,” He mumbled, already feeling the loneliness creep back in. “Sleep well.” The line went dead, and Viktor curled up around Makkachin, exhaustion finally settling into his bones as he fell asleep. 

  
  


The next morning, Yuuri blinked awake to sunlight streaming through his window. A glance at his phone told him that it was just after ten and also that Viktor had not made a single attempt to get in contact with him- he didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved. There were a few new hamster pictures from Phichit, all Yuuri’s favorite. Rather than deal with the anxiety of whether or not Viktor  _ would _ text, Yuuri shut his phone off and shoved it under his pillow. Phichit knew other ways to get in contact if he needed to.

Mari gave him a  _ look _ when he got downstairs, but his mother didn’t seem particularly perturbed. He quirked an eyebrow at his sister who simply mouthed  _ They don’t know _ . Well, that was at least a small blessing, right?

Once he’d had his late breakfast, he set to work around the Inn diligently, if he was hard at work, he couldn’t let his thoughts stray. His parents were pleased- albeit confused- with the sudden pick up in morale. Not that he typically half assed his job, but he was giving each task a focus he didn’t know was possible. Deep cleaning the baths, reorganizing the kitchen, vacuuming the common area, sweeping and mopping all of the hardwood, the inn was practically sparkling by nearly nine that night. He would have done more if Hiroko hadn’t taken the cleaning bucket right out of his hands and reprimanded him for not taking any breaks. She banished him up to his room until dinner was ready and Yuuri didn’t have it in him to fight his mom.

He collapsed into the cocoon of his covers again, glancing at his phone and deciding against it. Maybe he could pretend it was lost and get a new number- that would be too expensive. If he could manage a week without it he could have Phichit clear it as a whole when he got back or something. Huffing, he booted up his console to blow off steam with Overwatch. If he was lucky Phichit would be available for a few rounds, but he wasn’t counting on it. The game helped him not fall back into his thoughts, pleasantly numbing as he fell into familiar controls and routine. It wasn’t necessarily a  _ healthy _ coping mechanism, but it certainly beat crying into his pillow more once his brain took a spiral. 

  
  


Lucky for Viktor, his family had plans for him most of the day. What kind of model would he be if he couldn’t hide  _ lack of sleep _ and  _ total debilitating emotional distress _ ? Certainly not one of his caliber, that was for certain. It was even easier with Makkachin by his side, a constant warmth pressed to his leg and radiating unconditional love. 

It was easy enough to navigate his social obligations, making pleasantries with his parents’ coworkers exchanging quick introductions with college students that recognized him- hearing too much  _ ‘Oh! I’d read that you were from here but I never really thought you’d come back!’ _ New York was fucking miserable, he couldn’t imagine why so many people thought it would make him leave his home behind in such a permanent sense.

Maybe miserable was too harsh- it wasn’t the city’s fault Viktor had shit taste in men or that his agents thought it would be better for him to cut off all his ties back home at the tender age of fifteen. Of course, New York had his favorite bakery, it had Chris, it had all the people that were too happy to let Viktor walk their dogs when they were too busy because he missed his beloved poodle. 

Either way, returning to his old favorite places was a comfort he couldn’t describe. He’d been worried that changes in the city would be jolting, or maybe unpleasant, but with the rapid change in his life the past 7 years, he was adaptable. The new upholstery in his favorite restaurants- the soda shop’s new location- they were all signs that the city moved on without him, that it was living whether he was there or not. Time moved on- and unfortunately, time had moved on with Yuuri too. 

It had been a silly thing, for Viktor to assume Yuuri was just  _ waiting _ for him, would just be happy to see him when he returned without any other feelings on the situation. He wasn’t allowed to linger on the thoughts, however, his reverie interrupted by his parents sweeping him off to dinner. 

The interactions felt almost sterile- like there was a layer of cotton between Viktor and everyone else. His phone only buzzed for emails and Chris- nothing from Yuuri or his family. Perhaps he should wait longer, but Viktor knew Yuuri. His (ex?) best friend internalized things, he’d let it eat him alive if given the chance, and like Mari said, it was up to Viktor to fix it- or at least to put forward a valiant effort for it. 

His heightened sense of resolve carried him through dinner- smiles coming in less fake, absorbing more from his parents’ stories. They returned late- having walked around downtown for a bit. Yuuri stayed up late anyway, it wouldn’t be a problem, he was sure of it.

At least he was until his uber pulled up in front of the inn and Viktor realized showing up unannounced at ten p.m. was probably not advisable. He steeled himself for a moment before thanking his driver and making his way to the front door- should he knock? It was technically a business, but it was also their home. Would knocking be weird? It would be weird- but so would just waltzing in late at night- maybe he should’ve waited for the morning-

Before his deliberation was over, the front door opened, revealing a grinning Hiroko. “Vicchan!” She chirped happily, stepping aside to let him in. Either she didn’t know what had happened, or Viktor was about to be murdered. At least he deserved it. 

“Konbanwa.” He replied, pulling at the little Japanese he remembered. Hiroko’s smile only lit up brighter, ushering him in. “It looks like the Inn is doing well. I’m glad- how have you all been?” Viktor asked, still working up the nerve to ask  _ where _ Yuuri was. Maybe he was escaping through his window while Hiroko stalled. 

“Yes, yes! Business has been very good- we’ve started getting a lot of students wanting to use our baths and then their families stay here when they visit! It’s nice to have things so busy. Can I get you anything? Tea? Food?” Viktor swore Hiroko hadn’t aged in the seven years he’d been gone. 

“I was wondering when they’d catch on. I’m good-” A deep breath, “I actually came to talk to Yuuri? I said something really stupid yesterday and I need to apologize to him.” Hiroko met his gaze with a  _ knowing _ expression.

“He never tells me anything- you know that? He acts like I’ll just fall over and die if he unloads any of his stress on me. I knew something was bothering him. Well, he’s up in his room. Could you bring some dinner up to him too? He’s barely eaten today and I was just about to bring it myself.” 

Some things never changed, he supposed. 

“Of course, Hiroko-san.” Viktor followed her to the kitchen, taking the bowl of udon from her to deliver upstairs.

“We missed you, Vicchan.” She told him, eyes soft and warm. “You need to come back by for dinner before you leave. I’m sure Yuuri will come around.” Viktor nodded, taking a deep breath before traversing the familiar path to Yuuri’s room, precariously balancing the bowl in one hand to knock at the door. 

“Hey, your mom made you dinner so I brought it up.” That was a terrible opener, but he committed to it as he opened the door- taking in the sight of Yuuri staring at him wide eyed from a pile of blankets, some video game on the TV and controller in his hands- still in the process of saying  _ ‘just a minute _ .’

He always had been an escapist. 

 

  
"Ah- just a minute." Yuuri replied to the knock at his door- he'd anticipated his mother coming up with dinner soon- she never was good at letting him sulk and self destruct the way he wanted to.   
The voice that followed, however, was distinctly _not_ his mother's. It was a voice he had no intention of hearing ever again if he could help it. Glancing up from his pillow fort, his eyes narrowed and he dropped the controller in his lap. The chat on the screen was spamming him for just stopping, dying shortly thereafter.  
He stared for a moment, hoping he could vaporize Viktor with brainpower alone. It didn't work. 

"Thanks for bringing it up." Yuuri finally said, tone clipped and final- a dismissal. "You can just set it on my desk while it cools off." He drove the point with his final statement, making no move to leave exactly where he was seated.   
Briefly, he considered simply returning to his game and ignoring Viktor, but he found himself holding his gaze- almost challenging Viktor to try to talk to him, to try _anything._ Some part of him, supposed, didn't want Viktor to give in- wanted Viktor to prod him, to try to get him to warm up. Deep down, he knew he'd be disappointed and upset if Viktor simply bowed down and left- it would be a sign that the Viktor he knew really _had_ changed.

“Okay.” Viktor replied, and for a moment Yuuri’s hand sank into his stomach as he set the bowl on Yuuri’s desk. Well, that was an answer to his question, wasn’t it? He was taken by surprise, though, as Viktor sank to the floor next to him."Yuuri - I'm... I said some really stupid things last night. And that wasn't fair to you - I was hoping we could talk about it more over coffee. Maybe... after you finish your dinner?" Though Yuuri was still frowning, the crease in his brow had softened significantly, relief washing over him. "I think I'd let you slap me again if it really made you feel better, if I’m being honest."

Viktor looked sheepish and apologetic, it didn’t quite fit on his features- out of place and uncomfortable. Yuuri stayed quiet a moment, considering the offer. 

"Okay. As long as you're buying." He finally settled on with a sigh. Setting the controller to the side, he faced Viktor, eyeing his expression carefully. "That just sounds like you want to be slapped again, though. Need to even it out?" A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he got up to retrieve the soup his mom sent up. It was almost disturbing to him, how ready he was to forgive Viktor. How little Viktor had to do to get Yuuri to open up- to give him another chance. 

"Well... " Viktor started, lifting a brow, eyes gazing off towards the TV as if he were truly considering Yuuri's offer. "I deserved it. But I don't want to feel that again unless I really need to. You slapped me so hard..." 

"I learned from the best," Yuuri replied easily, knowing Viktor was intimately familiar with Mari's tendencies. "You're, uh, the only person I've done it to, though." His legs folded under him as he settled back down, setting his soup in his lap. Objectively, he should apologize, but he couldn't find it in him- not right then. 

Viktor cringed, likely reliving the memory. "I'm sorry. I really did make an ass of myself -- Also I'm fairly positive you just lost your game. You should play again! I'll try not to distract you too much. We'll head out after you eat!" He nodded at the TV, taking Yuuri by surprise. 

"I can do one more round, um, if you want to watch, I guess," Yuuri replied tentatively. He picked the controller back up, posture still a bit stiff, as he began another round, choosing Lucio. He lost himself in the game, though still aware of Viktor's eyes trained on him. His soup was still a bit too hot to eat, anyway.

There was something eerily nostalgic about it all- the way they used to sit right here and play games- namely Yuuri kicking Viktor’s ass at Mario Kart. From his estimation, though, Viktor was spending a  _ lot _ more time looking at him than the game. Of course, that was probably for the best since Yuuri wasn’t doing too well with his attention divided. 

Once the round wrapped up, he scooped the bowl back up, his appetite returning after of day of nauseating anxiety. 

“That game looks cool- I’d still be terrible at it.” Viktor informed him as Yuuri ate.

“It’s really fun, but it’s definitely more complicated than Mario Kart.” He replied before drinking the rest of the broth from the bowl. As soon as he was finished, Viktor pushed up to his feet, holding out a hand to help Yuuri as well.

He wasn’t  _ that _ forgiven. 

Yuuri stood of his  _ own _ accord, brushing himself up and collecting his dishes to bring downstairs. “Java Break?” No  _ other _ coffee shop would be open at this time, anyway. Viktor nodded, and soon enough they found themselves in the car, quiet as the radio played between them on the short drive. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always appreciate! please come yell with me on [ [tumblr](http://jumpforjo.tumblr.com/) ] and [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/jumpforjo) ] (both jumpforjo if you have trouble with the links!) it's been a wild ride, to say the least!


	4. Chapter 4

"Wow. I remember when we used to come here after school? They had really good sandwiches. And cereal. Coffee shops up in New York are nothing like this. They are stuffy and entirely overcrowded. And like, weirdly ostentatious." Viktor laughed, hands wrapping around his cup.

"Ah- yeah. There are so many people in New York! And all the pretentious artsy types have to have their coffee." He delivered the poke at Viktor's ego gently, bumping his foot under the table.    
  
"I come here with Phichit when he needs to pull all nights so he won't be alone, and we're never the only ones here. It's a bit bizarre." The subject of Phichit had his smile hardening into something less honest and his gaze turned pointedly into his coffee, going quiet. If Viktor wanted to talk, he could talk.

Viktor seemed to pick up on the shift in mood immediately, shoulders drawing up tensely and practically flinching. "Yuuri I- I shouldn't have acted the way I did. And I certainly shouldn't have assumed anything like that about you. It wasn't even about you. I... I guess I'm just used to things being that way. I didn't want to admit the possibility that things were happening like that naturally because I was afraid of being hurt.  So... Rationalizing that you had a boyfriend was easier. It's awful, I know.. But it's not the first time that's happened. Not saying that should be an excuse for my actions but -- I- I don't know. I thought it would be easier to deal with my emotions like that than it would be to deal with them properly.  But you mentioned my leaving - and... " He stopped then and ground his teeth as his face contorted into a grimace. "I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. I just want you to know that I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I'm sorry."

The apology from Viktor was genuine- it was painfully obvious in the draw of his brows and the tense line of his shoulders. He felt awful.   
Yuuri opened his mouth, then promptly shut it- needing another moment to gather his thoughts before stumbling through a customary _no, it's fine, I understand! Don't worry about it!_

He mulled over Viktor's words, dissecting them in his head.  
"Um- does that- were you flirting with me last night?" Yuuri finally settled on, forcing himself to look Viktor in the face, chin tilting. "I mean- did you want to? Or did you just feel obligated?" The idea hurt, but he asked gently- Yuuri wanted very badly for Viktor to flirt with him, however he didn't want him to feel pressured to do so. Of course, that probably wasn’t very good either, but that was a problem for after Viktor left again. "And... I probably overreacted. So I'm sorry too- it just felt very insulting to have you assume I would cheat on a partner. Storming off instead of talking about it was rude and unproductive." He didn't mention the slap- still ashamed. 

"Of course I was flirting with you, Yuuri.. " Viktor breathed, relief washing over his features, almost lighting up. He was leaning in, elbows propped on the table and drink lazily lifted towards his mouth. "And I was doing it because I wanted to. I've had feelings for you. They really never went away. I tried my best to run away from them, actually. And then I just... didn't think about them - or really allowed myself to think about them. Until I was here. And I suppose they’ve all been coming back."

"Of course?" Yuuri quirked a brow, laughing quietly. Surely after all their years of friendship, Viktor knew that flirtation went directly over Yuuri's head. Of course, he may have assumed that had changed over the years- that maybe Yuuri got out of his comfort zone and actually had some experience. Well, he didn’t.   
Then, the rest of Viktor's words actually sunk in. His expression darkened, eyebrows pulling in tightly.   
"Feelings for me?" He questioned distractedly, gazing back into his coffee pensively. So, Viktor was telling him that he not only had feelings for Yuuri, but that they were long standing. That Yuuri was supposed to believe Viktor had a _crush_ on him and still dropped Yuuri without a second thought when he moved. It... stung? It stung. The flood of emotions was confusing, to say the least. He stayed near silent, trying to sort out where he stood- how he felt. It was likely unfair to the very puzzled Viktor sitting across from him.

"You look upset? What are you thinking about...?" Viktor’s tone was heavily laced with worry, and after a few more slow seconds of silence he tentatively reached out for Yuuri's hand. "Come on - We can talk about this. It's best if we get it out now. You don't have to feel bad for what happened earlier. I completely deserved it. I should have told you about how I felt in the first place. I honestly didn't expect for those particular feelings to well up again so quickly… And of course you aren’t obligated to return them!  I just felt like I should be honest with you."

"I'm... I am upset." Yuuri confirmed, voice distant as he stewed. It took him a moment to put together a response to Viktor's second question, taking time to fiddle with his cup and bite at his lip absentmindedly. "I'm not upset about earlier anymore, though. I know that was an honest mistake." He spoke slowly and carefully, wanting to come across as plainly as possible. "I think... I think that I'm mad. Like, really mad. I'm pretty sure I'm pissed, actually. About a lot more than last night." 

Finally, Yuuri looked up from his hands, feeling the rage boil in the pit of his stomach. Fucking Viktor and his stupid resurfacing feelings. Fucking Viktor who left without a proper goodbye deciding he could drop back in, indulge for a week, and leave again. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he pushed them back, feeling like a complete fool. How had he let him back in so easily?

"Well you could always decide to not be upset ~" It was a soft tease, and as Viktor's voice trailed off he smiled, still letting the tip of his finger brush across the ridges of Yuuri's knuckles. "You're not making much sense. If you're not upset about what happened last night then... Are you upset at me for not saying this sooner? I- I mean I understand? But... I've only been here for a few days. And we hadn't seen each other in so long... I didn't just want you to think I was taking advantage of the situation."

Yuuri stared at Viktor for a solid ten seconds, eyes narrowed and breath baited. "Mm. Yeah. I'm pissed," he replied, nodding to himself. "Really pissed." He took his hand back away from Viktor, then pushed out of the booth. "I need to walk. You can follow if you want, I guess." 

The smile practically fell off Viktor's face as Yuuri withdrew completely and pushed away from the table. "Wait -- Yuuri.." 

But he was already gone; drink left nearly untouched at the table. The fact that Viktor couldn't place what upset him was almost worse than what was actually upsetting him. Did Viktor expect things to pick up where they left off after seven years? Was he just going to ignore the 30 or so unanswered messages Yuuri sent him in the first few months?

It was only a few moments before Viktor’s footsteps fell in behind him as he made his way towards the park that would undoubtedly be deserted at this hour. Walking made things easier. It gave Yuuri's body something to do while his mind swirled. 

"Yuuri... Please? I just want to know what's happening... " Viktor’s voice was nearly desperate behind him, pleading.

Taking a deep breath, he finally started talking after a few blocks walking, having mostly sorted things out in his head. "What's happening, Viktor, is that you left seven years ago, and I'm somehow supposed to have no feelings on that, and I'm supposed to just pick up with your long-standing crush like you didn't drop me without a second thought." His voice was tense and cool, cutting through the night air. "If you had such a  _ big crush _ on me, I would've expected you to text me back. Or something. Anything. You left me with no friends, no explanation, no closure, and without giving a damn. And now, apparently, you've had feelings for me." The tears were pricking at his eyes again in embarrassment.

He was shocked as Viktor’s hand came out to grip his elbow and he nearly lashed out before he looked back, realizing Viktor’s brows were drawn up in distress, as if he was at a loss for what to do. "You have to stop... Yuuri I can't understand you. If you want to tell me this you have slow down.. Please... I'm listening, I promise..." He was listening- _wanted_ to listen, and Yuuri felt himself begin to let it all out.  
"I- you left. You left me and you never even said goodbye, and you never even texted me back. Viktor, you were my _best_ friend, you were my _only_ friend." Yuuri's voice edged on desperate, needing Viktor to understand the gravity of the situation- to peek inside Yuuri's head.   
"You were such a huge, important part of my life and then you were just gone. Hell, you didn't even tell me when you got scouted!" He groaned, frustrated, fingers coming up to tangle in his own hair. "I don't understand how you can stand here and tell me you’ve had these feelings after that. You can't. It's not _fair._ " His voice was cracking, and he felt like he was on the edge of hysterics.

Viktor looked like he’d been punched in the gut. 

"You're right. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to you at all.. " Very carefully he bent down to place the drinks next to his feet. Once he was back upright he took the few steps to close the gap between them, locking his arms around Yuuri's shoulders and pulling the other man flush against his chest before he could protest. It felt familiar- it was something Viktor used to do often when he began to spiral. And then the motion felt empty, feeling like Viktor was trying to shittily bandage his hurt, to put a bandaid on a broken bone.   
He didn't simply hug Yuuri, though, he started talking- everything spilling out unsteady and desperate.

"It had all happened so fast... For a while I just remember pretending like I wasn't even going to move - like it wasn't real. I didn't want to have to deal with the thought of simply... not being here. Then, when I did leave... It still didn't sink in. It was so hard, Yuuri -- they expected me to leave my past where it was and become someone entirely different. Someone with no ties left here - no distractions. Apparently it would be silly of me to miss this place, anyways. After all... I had such _wonderful_ opportunities presented to me.... Even from the start I wanted to talk to you but I didn't know how. Because if I did... It was extremely likely that you would have felt strung along. I don't know - I can't make excuses. What I did was absolutely unforgivable…” He buried his face into Yuuri's cheek and brought one hand up to cup the back of the Yuuri’s skull, gently petting his fingers through his hair.  
"Nothing I say can make up for it.. I was just afraid. When I finally was in a position where I no longer had to work for my status it was too late. It had been years. And you were... still so sweet." He clutched Yuuri tight, letting out a heavy breath after what seemed like an eternity. "Part of me was hoping that when we met back up.. You would have changed - or that I would have changed enough for you to no longer want to speak to me. It's so stupid..." 

Yuuri registered wetness against his cheek, realizing  _ Viktor _ was crying through empty laughter. "I was selfish. I didn't want to hurt - And thinking about you hurt... Thinking about how I felt - about your specifically - hurt. So I did my best to pretend like I felt nothing. But that became incredibly hard to do when I saw you yesterday." This time, as his voice tapered off he tipped his head back, just enough to gently rest his forehead against Yuuri's. "I know it's too little too late... And you deserve much more... But I missed you. I missed you so much. I wanted to be there for you through everything. I can't prove it - and my actions certainly don't help my case - but I did - I really did miss you..."

"Strung along? Viktor you didn't even give me a chance!" Yuuri protested, relaxing from the tension in his body to finally, finally grip Viktor closer, fingers tangling in his shirt and hair tightly. Squeezing his eyes shut, he decided to take the plunge, his own words leaving his mouth and leaving ice in their wake. "Do you remember the first time we drank? Mari was babysitting us and we were at your house?" He asked quietly, fingers tightening. "Do you- do you remember what you did? It was only days before you left. You didn't manage to tell me you were leaving, you did manage to say that you liked me and tried to kiss me before passing out. That whole two weeks I was worried you were mad because you were never around, and then you invited me over that night and I thought whatever it was was fixed. And then you were almost my first kiss. And then you  _ left. _ you told me  _ that _ morning when we got coffee that you were leaving." His words were partially garbled by tears and emotion, but rather than push Viktor away, he tugged him in closer- he needed the reassurance, the physical reminder that Viktor was  _ right here _ .

"I did that..?" Viktor finally murmured after a moment, tipping his head back to look at Yuuri - to really look at him. His eyes searched Yuuri’s face, likely taking in the puffy red of his eyes and pink tinge to his cheeks. He shook his head, heaving a sigh, "I didn't know how to cope with what I was feeling.. I didn't know how you felt - I... I got so wrapped up in the prospect of having to leave that I just wanted us to stay the same- To not have to be sad like my parents.. or worried.. or anything. But that was so stupid - _I was so stupid_ \-- I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I didn't kiss you like I wanted to. I know it may not matter now --- But that would have been a terrible first kiss; anyways. I was blackout drunk, Yuuri. All I remember was throwing up. For hours. God I was _terrible_."   
The reminiscing had Viktor shaking with light, unsteady laughter as he continued. "I tried to confess to you before that, too... but I don't think it came out right. You seemed so confused and I didn't have to words to properly express what I was feeling. All that I knew was that I was so happy that you were a boy - because I liked boys… God, we were so young. It was- what? A few months after you came out?” He chuckled again, dipping in once more to bury his nose in the softness of Yuuri's hair.

"We were camping out at the lake and I drug you out of our tent so late. And then we couldn't quite figure out how to get back to your parents. You cried- and you were so worried- but all I could think was that the moment had been ruined... And I held you just like this because it was my fault... I was the one who had dragged you along when we were both incredibly tired and then completely forgot my way back... It wasn't nearly as "romantic" as it had all sounded in my head. The stars  _ were _ incredible, though... "

Yuuri laughed. The sound bubbled up in his chest and he buried his face in the crook of Viktor's neck. He laughed, remembering getting lost at the lake, Viktor getting frustrated, then freaking out when he realized Yuuri was upset. "I realized, you know? That you were trying to confess, but it was like a week later. But I thought you would be over it, and I was still just out... I thought you wouldn't want a boy like  _ me _ when it got down to it so I ignored it. Then you never brought it up again until you were drunk... and then you were gone." He shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath before deciding he should be honest too. "I, um. Had feelings too. I didn't realize until a few years after you left when I was telling Phichit everything."  Yuuri admitted quietly. "And then... I was bitter. Really bitter. And then you came back..." He trailed off. It had been embarrassing to come to the realization so late, he remembered the way Phichit had made the casual remark- like his feelings were  _ obvious _ .

His chin was tilted back up by gentle fingers, Viktor’s eyebrows sloped in something resembling concern. “Yuuri.” He recognized that flat tone, somewhat reprimanding but mostly worried. “Why wouldn’t I want someone  _ like _ you? Don’t be ridiculous.” 

"Well, when I was younger I guess I still wasn't very comfortable with my identity yet." Yuuri admitted quietly. "But now... well there's all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with that..." Those reasons, however, were forgotten in the wake of Viktor's gentle touches. He was tucking hair behind Yuuri’s ears and his thumbs caressed his cheeks. 

Viktor gave him a sympathetic smile that slowly curled upward- almost feline. “Yuuri… do you still want me to kiss you?” He asked, forehead tipping in.

They were so close already, surrounded by the twinkling lights of the lampposts. Words failed him, so Yuuri kepts Viktor’s gaze and nodded, feeling utterly breathless. Things weren’t perfect- far from it, and they still had so much to talk about, but in that moment he wanted nothing more than Viktor’s lips on his own. When would he get the chance again? If he could only have Viktor for now… he wanted to make the most of it. 

Anticipation settled in his bones as Viktor laughed- a sound of sheer joy and disbelief. His thumb brushed Yuuri’s lower lip as he rested his forehead on Yuuri’s. "Please don't ever feel like you're not good enough... " Lifting his gaze from Yuuri's lips he cupped his free hand to the other's cheek. "Who you are is why I like you, Yuuri. You don't have to change for anyone.. Certainly not me.." The movement was slow but by the time Viktor had finished speaking his lips were only a mere inch from Yuuri's. 

  
  


"Vitya..." It was the first time he'd used the affectionate diminutive since Viktor arrived, word soft and filled to the brim with sentiment. Almost immediately, Viktor's lips were on his, gentle just for a moment before he sank in properly, parting them to deepen the kiss.   
It felt like coming home, Yuuri thought, to be tangled up like this, flicking his tongue out to trace Viktor's lower lip. His fingers gently scraped over the hair at the base of Viktor's skull, and he shifted in to press their bodies flush together. Soon enough, they parted, still deeply entrenched in each other's space. Yuuri's eyes were still closed- he could still feel his lips tingling. "Mm, that was a bad idea..." He hummed, no bite behind the words. There was no going back- not anymore. His heart was thudding in his chest heavily, and Yuuri made no move to pull himself away from Viktor.

His meaning didn’t seem to be caught, Viktor pulling back, eyes wide. “Yuuri! I- I’m sorry? Was that not okay?” Hands clasped over Yuuri’s shoulders as Viktor searched Yuuri’s expression.

"No, no, nothing like that!" Yuuri's eyes popped wide, waving his hands frantically. "It was completely alright- it was perfect!" His hand came up to comb through his bangs anxiously. "It's just- sorry. It's dumb. It's stupid." He bit at his lower lip, diverting his gaze. His arms instead looped around Viktor's waist, keeping him in close in case he tried to leave. Bringing one of the hands up to brush Viktor's cheek affectionately, he smiled shyly. "Don't worry about it, Vitya." He mumbled, repressing the worries about Viktor leaving.   
Viktor squinted at him, evidently not convinced. “Yuuri.” There was that tone again, “We have to be honest with each other, remember? I won’t think it’s stupid or dumb, tell me?” His expression was open, obviously prompting for Yuuri to continue. 

Yuuri pursed his lips- he didn’t want to ruin the moment. Things were so happy- he didn’t want to think about the fact that they were using borrowed time. Viktor had never been one to let things go easily, though- especially not when it concerned Yuuri's feelings. Huffing, he supposed it would be easier to air it than keep it cooped up. "It's just. You're leaving again- on Sunday." He said, gaze glued to their feet, still getting used to their dynamic again. "And- I liked that. A lot. Um, I want to kiss you more. _A lot_ more. But then you're just going to be gone again, y'know?" His voice was quiet, uncertain.  
Yuuri chanced looking up into Viktor's eyes again, gauging his reaction. "So it's not... I'm not uncomfortable with it, but I'm worried about getting hurt all over again." The words didn’t feel good leaving his mouth- anxiety curling deep in the pit of his stomach. Not that Viktor would be angry, of course, but he wanted to stay in the fantasy a bit longer.

Before he answered, Viktor pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s forehead- soft and chaste. "I do have to leave, but I don't ever want what happened before to happen again. I want to be there for you - to be with you. When I go back to New York you'll be able to contact me whenever you like. I can always make time for you - And I will... Like I should have in the first place." 

Yuuri pursed his lips lightly, trying his best to keep his face neutral. The words felt like lies- Yuuri had absolutely no reason to believe or trust Viktor. He wanted to, though, and  _ badly _ . "You're busy, though," He protested softly. It felt like imposing- he didn't want Viktor to feel obligated to him. An uneasy part of his brain was worried that he'd  _ guilted _ Viktor into things- even knowing that it flat out wasn't true. "But... I want that. I really do. I just... you don't have to do that for me."

“Trust me, I’m not nearly as busy as you’re thinking.” Viktor paused then, taking a moment to gently brush Yuuri's bangs from his eyes. There was a surprisingly strong resolve to his voice- no doubt a measure of reassurance for Yuuri. "I want to kiss you more, too, Yuuri. And I also want to spend as much time as I can possibly manage with you... It's funny, don't you think? When you picked me up for dinner I never expected it all to wind up like this..."

As Viktor brushed his bangs, Yuuri gazed up, chin tilting just a bit. "I'm... not too tied up this week. So whenever you're free, I probably will be too. Or can be. My mom told me I could take whatever time I wanted off for you... so I'm at your service, I guess." Yuuri laughed softly, smile still edging on uneasy. “In the meantime, though, you could kiss me again. If you wanted.” It still felt unreal- but he wasn’t about to give up the chances he was given.

Leaning in yet again Viktor pressed a kiss to Yuuri's cheek, to the line of his jaw, at the dip below his lower lip, and then flush on his lips. Yuuri pressed up on his toes, wrapping his arms around Viktor’s neck to deepen the kiss. It was a feeling he thought he may never sicken of- which only broke his heart a little bit. Too soon, Viktor pulled away, fingers stroking through Yuuri’s hair.

"I have to spend tomorrow with my family. They ended up being asked to travel for a particular conference and won't be back until Sunday - which is when I leave - so they asked me to keep my whole day free. But after that... " He trailed off, quirking an eyebrow for Yuuri to finish the sentence.

"So... I'll see you Wednesday morning?" Yuuri asked, laughing softly. He still had a hard time believing the turn of events- the crushing sense of impending doom slowly losing out to a bubbling happiness- a flutter of possibility. Maybe, despite his doubts, things would work.

"Yes. Wednesday morning. I won't be there too early. I know you're not a morning person." Viktor could say that again- Yuuri hadn’t even been an early riser as a young child. "You could also stay with me Thursday? If you wanted. I’ll have the house to myself, we could watch shows with Makkachin like we used to." He practically hummed the words, twirling the longer strands at the back of Yuuri’s neck around his finger.

"Sounds like a plan... We can figure out the details Wednesday." Trailing his fingers down Viktor's chest, he pressed more soft kisses across his mouth. It was simple, like this, too easy. "I should... take you home, though. Don't want you to be tired to hang out with your parents." It took several more minutes for him to actually make any moves on that idea, however, easily caught up in capturing Viktor's lips with his own until Viktor mumbled that they  _ really _ should get going and squeezed Yuuri’s hand.

The drive to Viktor’s was quiet again, but their fingers intertwined on the center console as Yuuri sang along quietly to the music of the radio. Viktor parted with another prolonged kiss and a promise from Yuuri that he’d text when he made it home safe.

Yuuri fell asleep that night, smile on his face and mid conversation with both Phichit and Viktor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always appreciate! please come yell with me on [ [tumblr](http://jumpforjo.tumblr.com/) ] and [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/jumpforjo) ] (both jumpforjo if you have trouble with the links!) it's been a wild ride, to say the least!

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments always appreciate! please come yell with me on [ [tumblr](http://jumpforjo.tumblr.com/) ] and [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/jumpforjo) ] (both jumpforjo if you have trouble with the links!) it's been a wild ride, to say the least!


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